The never-ending world of lists

You will find a list of some sort in almost any newspaper or magazine you care to open nowadays. It might be a list of 100 books you must read, 50 islands to visit before you die, 25 ideas to occupy the children during the holidays, 20 ways to beat the credit crunch, 50 ways to recycle your possessions or five things to be grateful for right now.

The internet is another prolific breeding ground for lists. You might discover lists of wonderful hotels, best beaches, travel operators, sporting heroes, railway journeys, famous lines of dialogue and so on.

(Quite by chance, I happened upon a list of the 10 most fascinating urinals of the world. Try www.urinal.net and click on the “Top 10” link. Number 3, sculpted by Clark Sorensen in San Francisco, features some of the most beautiful practical objects I have ever seen.)

In no time at all, you can easily make your own list of — well —  lists. You might also think that making lists is an easy way to fill a page but I would rather you kept that to yourself for now.

Instead I am offering my own Footler Five — a list of statements you are unlikely ever to hear in a pharmacy.

1.    From your district or group or whatever-you-call-them manager: “Thank you. Well done. I am sorry I left your dispenser in tears.”

2.    From your primary care trust (or equivalent): “Thank you for taking on all the extra work. We are simplifying the paperwork to make things easier for you.”

3.    From your wholesaler: “Thank you for your patience. We now have plenty of stock so please order whatever you need.”

4.    From your non-pharmacist store manager: “Thank you. You are worth every penny you cost us. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

5.    From your head office: “Our heartfelt thanks to you and your staff. We could not survive without you so we have decided to remove all those layers of aspiring middle management. The money saved will go into your salary budget.”

Do feel free to argue about, amend or add to my list.